around 4am last night, on the 26th hour of my 28 hour call day, I was standing at the side of the bed of a 29 year old woman who was trying to push out her first baby and screaming "help me, help me, help me. I can't do it. I can't do it" and I was thinking (amidst telling her she was safe, her baby was safe, that she was doing a great job, to KEEP. FREAKING. PUSHING.) that birth is really the first test of a mother. I have yet to see one first vaginal birth where the mother didn't actually tear through her vaginal opening. Not like, it happened to tear. Like, she pushed so hard to get that baby out that she is actually TEARING HER OWN SKIN. It seems like a pretty good test of what's to come: are you willing to tear yourself from the inside out in order to give life, air, comfort to this brand new baby that you aren't even sure what it will be like, but you already know you love it enough to rip yourself open.
The best part is that after the big, (often) tearing push, the baby goes on the mom's chest, the partner leans over and pushes her sweaty hair back from her face, they gaze at their new, crying baby who is covered in white vernix together and glow. They all glow.
Terrifying and amazing.
oh, yeah. so I started my ob-gyn rotation and freaking love it.
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"a healthy woman is much like a wolf: robust, chock full, strong life force, life-giving, territorially aware, inventive, loyal, roving".
-Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of Women Who Run with the Wolves
Terrifying! I have been following NPR's baby project that started in July and am almost overwhelmed at the prospect of motherhood and everything that happens on the way there. It's certainly a ways off for me, so I've got a while to try and get comfortable with some of that craziness. I can't imagine doing it right now but I really can't imagine being on the other side of it in your shoes! Y'all are champions.
ReplyDelete"The best part is that after the big, (often) tearing push, the baby goes on the mom's chest, the partner leans over and pushes her sweaty hair back from her face, they gaze at their new, crying baby who is covered in white vernix together and glow. They all glow".
ReplyDeleteErica -- your blog is fabulous! I just came across it and while I should be doing grad work, can't stop reading it. This post is the absolute best though! LOVE THE DESCRIPTIONS!! You (on top of being an amazing doctor and surgeon I am sure), are a fabulous writer!
It sounds as if you are doing great!! I get updates from Bob and Josie in our snail mail letters that we write to one another! Hope to be able to see you in person one of these days! Sending my love, your cousin, Crystal