amid the noise and haste

I finally (FINALLY!) moved into my new beautiful house this weekend (photos coming!). And while we are not quite unpacked, I've washed two months worth of laundry, baked bread, and curled up in bed reading, so I feel like we're getting there.  The past month year has been such a trial on my soul.  Not just because of the long hours, lack of sleep, moving every 6 weeks to start something completely new for which I was inevitably not fully prepared, and being the bottom of every hierarchy I was aware of, but also because all of those things made it harder for me to feel curious, passionate, connected, centered - in short, I have not felt like my best self for a while now.  This past weekend, while moving, I lost my voice (probably a viral laryngitis, no biggie), and also injured my hand so that I can neither talk nor do many basic life things (but I'm learning how to brush my teeth with my left hand) - but then I thought:

maybe this is the universe telling me to stop talking and LISTEN.  stop doing and LISTEN.

and then I found this poem 

(which I think is best when read aloud)

Desiredata: A Poem for a Way of Life 
by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly,
and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
if you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
may persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for int he face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars'
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all it's shame, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful and strive to be happy.

happiness project update

as this rotation comes to an end and I am preparing to move into a new house (!!) and start my next rotation, here are the things I have learned this past make me happy:

this yoga podcast

***

making delicious food like this recipe using these spring veggies from our CSA
 

***
this song, which I've been grooving to nonstop today (creepy video but the song is excellent)

***

reading and discussing completely non-medical books like The Hunger Games (seeing the movie tonight!)
especially when they have a bad-ass Diana-like female protagonist
 

***

sunshine longer into the evenings for long runs with friends after work
(where we intentionally do NOT talk about medicine)

***

having a pretty unchanging morning routine that lets me sit and read while sipping some coffee

source

***
biking to work

 

(okay, so we may not actually be going to work in this photo)

And now, some things I want to work on during my next rotation/next month:

***

writing in my journal more

***

lifting 2x a week - no more, no less

***

eating veggies in every meal

***

getting to bed earlier - which means quitting work and computer puttering earlier
***
getting back to my friends sooner when they get in touch with me 

***

surrounding myself with big beautiful green and colorful plants, especially in the kitchen and bathroom
***

What have you done that has made you happy this past month?  
What are you looking forward to doing more of in the next month to better pursue happiness?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I remind myself there is no such thing as balance in my life.  If I want to truly be happy, I put my family first and then figure out how to do everything else"
-Stephanie Neilson

choice

All the battles over contraception coverage that have older men inappropriately talking about the reasons women use contraception, as well as the heated debates about new laws that humiliate and isolate women while they are making these very difficult decisions.

A recent study from the Guttmacher Institute showed that HALF of all reproductive age women now live in states that are hostile to abortion!  This map below shows the change over time in states hostility to policies related to contraception and terminations. 

It may also be a map of where I am applying to residencies next year.

and just in case you haven't been following along - Doonesbury is running a series on the new laws surrounding a woman's right to make reproductive decisions that is obviously now being censored.  Check out the censored strips on Slate blog.

salt

 

 

found this much needed message on a new favorite blog today.

after a long run at dusk in 50 degree weather with two wonderful women, I think I might be able to again.  

source

Out to Go In

"I only went out for a walk, and finally concluded to stay out until sundown, 

for going out, I found, was really going in" 

- John Muir

 

or

 

source of photo 1: Kara Brodgesell photography  

zombie step

"never look back unless you are planning to go that way"

-henry david thoreau

we may be obsessed.

travel karma

I've had a bit of a crazy week of traveling - first, to go out to Utah to ski with the manfriend and his family.  But we were delayed due to a maintenance + weather scenario (of course we leave to ski the one weekend there's a snow storm where we live...)  and missed our connecting flight out of NYC.  Fortunately, our airline put us up in this super sweet hotel:

and we took the subway into the lower east side to hang out with these wonderful people:

because it's new york and a city of gazillions of people, of course we ran into more friends from college and ended up staying out until about 4:30 am, taking the subway back to our hotel (which we basically used as a locker for our stuff), grabbed our bags and headed to the airport to catch our flight out to Utah.

I think we may have been the most brightly dressed people in the entirety of new york.  hooray for sweet neon ski gear!  and yay city that doesn't sleep!!

approximately 5.5 hours of peaceful sleep later, we arrived here:

and made some friends (just kidding, that's his niece):

and immediately went to check out the snow!  

we also got to read a lot - some for upcoming rotations and some just for fun.(yes that is two copies of the 5th game of thrones... it's our only vacation.  I promise there's an endocrinology journal just out of the viewing frame)

and there was a whole lot of this perfect powdery white stuff for miles and miles:

and as if it needed to be any more perfect, we ended our ski days just outside our door, right here:

then almost immediately, I took a little trip to Boston to spend some much needed time with my family (pictures coming soon)

and then started my fourth year of medical school as soon as I got back with a month long rotation in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility.  More on that later.  Phew.  Back to work.

~~~~

"Play music for her, fill the house with flowers, have the birds sing, take her to the ocean to see the sunsets, give her everything that can make her happy.  No medicine cures what happiness cannot"

-Gabriel Garcia Marquez, in Love and Other Demons

cabbage: the perfect veggie

Super easy delicious cole slaw recipe

(we made it with home made pizza with dough made with help from the bread machine and covered with zucchinni, squash, onions, garlic, oregano, basil and a little bit of mozzerella cheese)

Ingredients:
6c shredded cabbage
1 carrot, shredded
2/3 cup mayonaise
2 tbsp vinegar
2 tbsp olive oil
2 &1/2 tbsp sugar or to taste
1/4 teaspoon salt, or to taste

Preparation:
toss cabbage in a large bowel with the carrots.  In another bowl, whisk the remaining ingredients, cabbage, and carrots and toss to coat thoroughly.  Refrigerate until serving time and serve cool.

Serves about 6.

You may recall this as an incredible edition to my southern food themed 25th birthday a few years ago (wow, truly):




~~~~~~~~~~
"they say an end can be a start/feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive/
it's like a bad day that never ends/I feel the chaos around me/
A thing I don't try to deny/I'd better learn to accept that/
there are things in my life that I can't control
if I ever feel better/remind me to spend some good time with you"


-pheonix, if I ever feel better

not yet dead

an actual consult for neurology while I was on the service:

phonecall directly from the operating room (OR):

Surgeon: My patient can't move his hand.  I think he had a stroke.  Do I call you guys for a consult?  Do I call the ED?
Neuro Resident: You call us, that's fine.  What happened?
Surgeon: Well I gave him a brachial plexus block and operated on his hand, but now the surgery's over and he can't move his hand.
Patient: (in the background of the call, really loudly)  I'm fine. I can move my hand!  Just untie me and I'll be fine!
Surgeon: oh.   I guess he's okay.
Neuro Resident: so you don't want that consult then?
Surgeon: yeah, probably not.  (hand up awkwardly)

We laughed so hard (though obviously, really good for the surgeon to call if he thought his patient was having a stroke) - but I just couldn't get Monty Python out of my head: