soul | shine so bright

2015!

It is finally here.  

After a whirlwind, rollercoaster, highest highs and lowest lows of a year 2014 was, 

2015 has finally come roaring into view.

My overall goal for 2015 is to simplify; 

to just not make things more crazy and more complicated than they already are.

for tangible wins, each month I'll choose a word to be my monthly mantra;

to keep it as simple as possible, here's January's word:

one.

as in, 

one touch 

put things right where they're supposed to go from the start

one second

(to pause, to catch my breath)

one thing 

at a time

here's to beginnings!

*as always click on the photo above to be taken to the source!*

women | letters to a daughter

found this gem from the UK Times' caitlin moran in a letter to her 13 year old daughter.  It's not only very english, it's hilarious and profound:  it begins with first, be kind.  Last, never start smoking - it's like a baby dragon that will eventually burn your house down.   so good!

soul | ways of time

happy monday!

some words of wisdom

thoughts on time...

citizen | The American Dream in Organized Crime

Is it really November?  So much has happened this year that I couldn't even contain it in any way on this blog.  Since my last post I've become a very happily married woman (more details on the wedding and the actually being married soon, but in summary: it's the best)

our awesome photographer, kara brodgesell

But this post is actually about the American Dream.  I decided to subscribe to the NewYorker magazine way back at the start of medical school so that I would continue to have SOME input of information that did not involve medicine directly.  So I have been getting the magazine in the mail (and now on my ipad) for almost 6 years.  Each week, I look forward to seeing the art on the covers and to what stories are inside.

health | a good morning run

an alternative title for this post was "how the process of getting marriage is really good for me".

today I commuted home from work on my own two feet.  yup, that's right.  I ran 8+ miles home, from Maryland to DC, after working 14 hours overnight.  I feel just a little badass.  Especially because this is my 3rd time this week commuting like this.  (reason #1 why the process of getting married is good for me: motivation to run more)

anyways, the inspiration for this "say good morning to everyone" thing is also known as reason #2 why the process of getting married is good for me. as part of the process of getting married, the manfriend and I have created a little "pre-marriage obstacle course" for ourselves.  It includes tasks like, "tell me the five qualities that are important to you in children and what you'd do if our kids don't have time", as well as "go check out rocks at a museum and tell me what you appreciate about them" and "learn 5 phrases in italian that we can use in daily life".   one of my "obstacles" way back when was to go on a solo hike and say hi to everyone I see.  The point of this is to make me feel friendlier? more social while hiking?  not sure entirely, but I did it back in May and it was really lovely.

today, I decided to extend this on my commute and say "good morning" to every single person I passed.  Not to think about whether they looked friendly or scary or even really awake and paying attention to me - just to go for it.  And the results made me feel so much happier about people in general, and even about myself as connected to them.  Each time I said good morning, I got less scared of people, each person seemed more accessible, more human.  Each time someone said it back, I felt more human myself.

it's amazing how disconnected from each other we let ourselves become, and how much a simple salutation can close that gap, even for just a brief moment as I run on by.

~~~~~~~~~

"you is kind

you is smart

you is important"

- from the help

soul | in this broken world

(ya'll know I'm OBSESSED with lisa congdon AND mary oliver)

words | Weekly Words to Ponder

exercising the kindness muscle

This past week, two of my favorite people sent me this article from the Atlantic, which is a sure sign it's excellent.  It's a piece about unexpected qualities that sustain relationships.  The researchers they hi-light have been studying marriages since the 1960s and have divided couples into healthy, happy couples and those doomed to fail, calling them "Masters" and "Disasters" respectively.   I know that this year has made me appreciate the manfriend beyond belief (I'm pretty sure I never could have survived intern year without him) but it's been such a challenge to create a new life together while we are both working 80 hours a week, sleeping 5 hours maximum per night (or day!) and planning a wedding from afar.  It has not been easy, but I think we are doing a pretty good job of it.  And I hope with all I have that we become Masters and not Disasters.

1. Appreciate Intent (and sometimes ignore execution)
“Even in relationships where people are frustrated, it’s almost always the case that there are positive things going on and people trying to do the right thing,” psychologist Ty Tashiro told me. “A lot of times, a partner is trying to do the right thing even if it’s executed poorly. So appreciate the intent.”

2. Be there for them when the going gets GOOD
"We’ve all heard that partners should be there for each other when the going gets rough. But research shows that being there for each other when things go right is actually more important for relationship quality. How someone responds to a partner’s good news can have dramatic consequences for the relationship."

3. When your husband says look at the birds, LOOK AT THE BIRDs.
If you're partner is asking for your attention, give it to them (or explain when they can have it)

4. Seek out things to appreciate/be grateful for
“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.”

5. Kindness is a muscle.
the best lesson and quote by far is about choosing kindness whenever you can, a lesson I'm learning and loving over and over again this year, despite the challenge it presents:

"There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work."

soul | Wednesday 3 Things

1. Young Adult Fiction: the debate
As someone who has basically exclusively read young adult fiction during this past year (and loved it!), but who has also read a good deal of actual adult fiction, I am so intrigued by the debate.

My favorite quote from Eleanor & Park that just captures this "nothing has ever been like this before" and "everything I feel, I feel completely" that I just love about YAF:

“You saved me life, she tried to tell him. Not forever, not for good. Probably just temporarily. But you saved my life, and now I'm yours. The me that's me right now is yours. Always.” 

From the Atlantic (more)
From New York magazine
From The NewYorker
from Slate (the negative review that started the debate)
from the NYTimes


2. Green Smoothies
I know I'm late to the game. But in the humid summer months, in overnight call, in times of not a lot of time, these rock.  Also, our kale is growing out of control!

   


3. A Quote on Marriage (from BHLDN)

Weekly Words to Ponder

Weekly Words to Ponder

my favorite wedding readings

it's been a tough few months for me and my family.   before processing some of that stuff on this blog, I'd like to have a purely happy post about wedding planning (!!)   after much combing through all beautiful, thoughtful words on blogs and books galore, I thought I'd share them here.

First, an excerpt from the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Decision that made the state the first to authorize gay marriage:

"...marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideas of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family...Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity...marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition"

Next, a poem from Maya Angelou:

Touched by an Angel 
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

Finally, a poem from Neil Gaiman

This for you, for both of you,

a small poem of happiness
filled with small glories and little triumphs
a fragile, short cheerful song
filled with hope and all sorts of futures

Because at weddings we imagine the future
Because it’s all about “what happened next?”
all the work and negotiation and building and talk
that makes even the tiniest happily ever after
something to be proud of for a wee forever

This is a small thought for both of you
like a feather or a prayer,
a wish of trust and love and hope
and fine brave hearts and true.

Like a tower, or a house made all of bones and dreams
and tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows

photo credit

not to seek

I have been trying to restart my yoga practice and think I've finally found a studio that gives me the spiritual and physical work-out I need, with more emphasis on the former than I realized I needed.  I talk often with friends and family about the search for a spiritual community in our highly-educated, agnostic and scientific lives.  Especially as I get closer to establishing my own new family and going through the rites of marriage (most of which we are adapting and blending from all the spiritual and community traditions we like), I find myself thinking more about how to cultivate this part of my life - both within myself and as a more public acknowledgement of spirituality as an important part of my life.  

so for you, a public acknowlegement of this with a quote from Rumi and my favorite chant we have done in yoga class lately, the Gayatri Mantra.

"your task is not to seek for love, 

but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself 

that you have built against it"

-Rumi

the literal translation of this repetitive chant is:

"May we attain that excellent glory of Savitar the god:

so that he may stimulate our prayers"

Flashback Thursday: Augusts of years past

Flashback to Augusts past...

from my 100-mile relay

August 2011: the first test of motherhood
It seems like a pretty good test of what's to come: are you willing to tear yourself from the inside out in order to give life, air, comfort to this brand new baby that you aren't even sure what it will be like, but you already know you love it enough to rip yourself open.

August 2010: Rilke inspiration: live your way to the answer
I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.

August 2009:  Atul Gawande's 5 rules of medicine

1) ask an unscripted question
2) don't whine
3) count something
4) write something
5) change.

wednesday giggles

and because I'm still in a CS Lewis mood..

"hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny"
-c.s. lewis

spring cleaning 2013!

Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.” 

― Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye

~~~~~~

yesterday at approximately 1:30 am we returned to our lovely home in Vermont!  While we did immediately drive down to Stowe to meet friends at the end of their long weekend bash in an incredible house down there, we have since had time to revel at home.  With only a few short weeks left in this place that's been my home for four years, with people who have been my home for four years, and with thoughts about designing my next home (stay tuned for more on that soon) I've been thinking about ways to REALLY immerse myself in feeling home - leading me to the question:

what makes you feel home?

(seriously, tell me!)
for me, it's FULLY unpacking and settling things back into their places - it's planning impromptu runs and walks with friends - it's lacing up my running shoes and just going, not having to plan out a route because this is my home - it's making my own coffee just how I like it, instead of hoping I can ask the barista at the closest coffee shop for just the right amount of soy milk without sounding obnoxious - it's curling up with the manfriend in our most comfortable bed and feeling like we are back in our places too.

unpacking and changing to a spring/summer closet!  yay dresses!!

morning coffee ritual at home

 all our shoes are ready for any kind of spring weather in our mud room

(note the bean boots, running shoes and birkenstocks - one can never be too prepared)

plans for the next few weeks in Vermont include:

* hiking the presidential traverse
* canoeing in lake champlain
* visiting the kitchen table restaurant (on our list for a long time along with all the farm animal restaurants including: the black sheep, hen of the wood, the belted cow, the prohibition pig, the bearded frog, the starry night cafe, the bluebird tavern, and of course, to keep them all in one place, the farmhouse) 
* walking/running in Shelbourne farms
*the burlington farmers market (now outside!)
*hike camel's hump for the last time in a while
* get creamies with buddies from Burlington Bay Cafe
*play paintball in our white coats
* boat cruise on lake champlain
* pack up our whole house!

the adventures of the travel bugs

"Wasn't that the definition of home? Not where you came from, but where you are wanted?"

- Cutting for Stone, Abraham Verghese

~~~~

since the last time i wrote, we have been in VT, Boston, Worcester, Saratoga Springs, D.C., northern California, and Lake Tahoe!  We have walked over battle grounds, cooked dinner for my grandparents, been under house arrest in my sister's tiny apartment for almost a full day, ran around several lakes, hiked up several mountains,   signed a lease for a new apartment (!!!), ran on the national mall, got to see so much of both of our tribes, wine tasted, and driven through the night to get to our next destination.  We have spent a total of 3 days at home since getting back from Nepal - most of them scrambling to finish up residency paperwork!

All this with just our little backpacks (i should probably write an ode to my backpack at some point) and each other.  It's made me feel really, really lucky to have such a great travel buddy, and that we have so many people we love that we want to spend time with - who we can finally spend time with!  

Here's a quick instagram recap of more recent travels.  more soon!

xoxo, the travel bugs 

Flashback Thursday: APRIL 1 and 2 years ago

these are really interesting posts because I feel much more across the "bridge" of medical education

but I do feel like this blog, and my wonderful medical community has helped me to hold onto the stories

to remember that my patients don't exist in a vacuum, my colleagues don't exist in a vacuum,

and even I don't exist in a vacuum.

there's always more to the story if you're willing to look/ask/listen a bit deeper.

~~~~~

(to read the whole past post, click on the 1 year ago link below)

1 Year Ago: 2012, starting my 4th year of medical school, making time for an intensive yoga practice

In the choice to let go of your known way of being, the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.
- Dana Faulds

Mayo and me

from an early April hike/camping trip

another snowy hike up sunset ridge with Jared and Mark

(I guess I pretty much only wear one shirt)

2 years ago: 2011, in the middle of my Family Medicine 3rd year clerkship in Bangor, ME

a quote from Dr. Alita Anderson about the process of medical education:

when you find yourself on the other side of that bridge

you're part of the medical culture.

while you get there,

I want you to hold on to every bit of your old self

your now self

I want you to remember the stories of these patients.

my tribe came to visit me and we hiked in Acadia

to celebrate a very happy 25th birthday for Annie and Nic!

Flashback Thursday: What I Do

This post is fun to re-read because it reminds me that now I know more what I do

I help women figure out intimate, life changing decisions at their most vulnerable times

I provide information and healing to women and their families

I'm an educator, a scientist, a healer.

It's what I do.

~~~~~~

3 years ago: first year of medical school, in the middle of studying biochemical pathways

The other day I was talking to my father, not a doctor, about a case he's working on right now and how it was taking him all over the world to track down all the information he needed, but when I asked him if he was tired or stressed, he said, a little tired, maybe, but no, this is what I do.

What I do.

It's such an interesting concept - this thing, this job or career or role is WHAT I DO - my purpose, my passion, my greatest skill ?

What is it that I do exactly? Help people? Listen? Try to figure out what's wrong?

Oh wait...study.

with Delia, my first roommate and friend in med school

(this is probably my favorite photo of us)

Try the Mountain Passes

and we're off to Nepal!  

(stories and photos to come)