December 25, 2012

Poetry Tuesday: faith

Again, from one of my favorite poets, David Whyte.
Probably my favorite poem of his as well.


~~~~~~~

Self-Portrait

It doesn't interest me if there is one God 
or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or feel
abandoned.
If you can know despair or see it in others.
I want to know
if you are prepared to live in the world
with its harsh need
to change you.  If you can look back
with firm eyes
saying this is where I stand. I want to know
if you know
how to melt into that fierce heat of living
falling toward
the center of your longing.  I want to know
if you are willing
to live, day by day, with the consequence of love
and the bitter
unwanted passion of your sure defeat.

I have heard, in that fierce embrace, even
the gods speak of God.

December 22, 2012

Required Reading for Women 2012

HuffPo posted this article about the editorials of 2012 that should be required reading for women.

Check them all out for yourself! But some of my favorites - from that selection and the ones added in the comments - include:

At the Pinnacle of Hillary Clinton's Career
"Hating Hillary has jumped the shark"

The Mom Stays in the Picture
about how one mom realized that she had to be in pictures no matter how she felt about her body, and was rewarded by readers sending in tons of photos of them with their kids.

Why Millennial Women Do Not Want to Lead
by a 19 year old about why her (our?) generation is
"Ultimately, women equate leadership with perfection in a way that men don't.  Men are generally taught that perfection is not a necessary component of success, that, in fact, they can fail miserably - even commit felonies - and still bounce back to power."

Our Pregnant Week
a super well written story of finding out she is pregnant
"I zoomed home, called some feminists, cried more"

Opting Out of Parenthood
a NYT editorial about not wanting to have children - a follow-up to her blog about the cost of having a child

What else should we add to the list?

~~~~~~~~~

"life shrinks or expands in relation to one's courage"
- Ahais Nin

December 20, 2012

anyone who walks through the door

At the time I'm writing this (but not at the time I'm positing it - gotta keep to my confidentiality rules) I finished my second shift in a row in the Emergency Department.  My schedule just worked out so that I mostly work evenings, weekends, and sometimes two shifts in a row, which is an 18 hour day in one of the busiest places in the hospital.  But even though it's 1am after an 18 hour shift, I find myself feeling pretty okay.  I really like the idea of treating anything that anyone who walks through the door has (or thinks they have).

I sat for 45 minutes with a woman about my age accompanied by her corrections officers, with her legs and arms chained to the hospital bed trying to figure out if she had attempted to overdose on any medications.  She would only answer me in a strange and disorganized flight of ideas - often only with one number, or one color, or one place.  When I would ask, "When did you last feel like yourself?" She would answer, "Blue."  When I asked if she had taken any drugs intentionally or by accident, she answered, "North Carolina".  Occasionally she would to me, "I'm confusing her." And I wasn't sure if she meant that she was confusing me, or that she was confusing herself.

I talked with an older man who had suffered a subarachnoid brain bleed earlier that morning after having been basically healthy his entire life.  He told me that his wife was the greatest person in the whole wide world, and also advised me never to get old.  He was really fun with the neuro exam because A) it was totally normal, B) he wanted to prove to me that he was still strong (he was), and C) he didn't really like sticking his tongue out at me.  I think it felt rude to him.

I met a woman who was just a few months postpartum and had chest pain that was making her nervous.  She and her husband had come from the south and were just visiting in-laws.  When we imaged her heart, it looked like she did have some abnormalities.  So I helped these lovely young parents figure out some logistics about how they were going to care for their two babies if their mom had to be in the hospital.

I chatted with an older lady who had just had surgery a few days ago and was discharged from our hospital that morning feeling totally fine.  But then she had a few episodes of passing out at home, so her daughter convinced her - very much against her will - to come back to the hospital.  She told me over and over again that the best thing someone could do at her age was to stay as far away from doctors as possible.  I couldn't agree more.  Except that she turned out to have a pretty big bleed in her gastrointestinal tract that we helped her with.  She - and her daughter - were super grateful.  But I sat with them for a while just trading stories and cracking jokes.

Before I left, I said goodbye to all my patients and wished them luck.  There's something nice about feeling like I signed off with all of them before I head home.

On my way home, I passed the Dominos delivery car speeding by me in almost the exact same place it had been the night before at about the same time - again, the only other car on the road.  It made me hungry for pizza.


December 18, 2012

Poetry Tuesday: dive for dreams

a favorite by one of the most wonderful poets

dive in

dive for dreams 
by ee cummings

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)

trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)

honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at this wedding)

never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for god likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth)




December 16, 2012

look for the helpers

This week's horrifying news of children dying in CT has definitely left me and those I love more shaken than I thought.  The two thoughts that came to me first were: (1) this shows how little we can predict about what will happen, no matter how safe we make sure we and the people we love are, and (2) this emphasizes how much we need to take care of each other on every level, whether that's getting to know your neighbors, to be there fore your family and friends, or to fund mental health services and outreach programs to help people who need even more help.

The best response I have heard was on NPR who quoted the wonderful Fred Rogers on how to cope with the fear and sadness happening around you:

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. 
You will always find people who are helping." 
To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world."

I definitely look for the helpers - and more and more strive to be one myself.

Fred Rogers

December 11, 2012

Poetry Tuesday: Haikus

Today, a few of my favorite haikus from a book my mother gave me for christmas a few years ago.  The haiku is lovely because the poet must capture so much depth with so few words. Do you have any to share?

morning glories -- 
the well-bucket entangled
I ask for water
(Chiyo-Ni)

he says a word
I say a word:
autumn deepens
(Kyoshi Takahama)

a warm fall day,
learning from this rock
to do nothing
(Paul O. Williams)

shorter kisses
longer quarrels -
winter solstice
(Eric Amann)

birthcry!
the stars
are all in place
(Raymond Roseliep)

the inner tide
what moon does it follow?
I wait for a poem
(Diane Di Prima)

December 4, 2012

Poetry Tuesday: poetry

This week a poem by Neruda, translated by David Whyte - a double whammy of poetic greatness.

~~~~~

Every year for a few days in the month of February, the sun’s angle is such, that it lights up Horsetail Falls in Yosemite, as if it were on fire.

La Poesia

...And something ignited in my soul,
fever or unremembered wings,
and I went my own way,
deciphering
that burning fire
and I wrote the first bare line,
bare, without substance, pure
foolishness,
pure wisdom
of one who knows nothing,
and suddenly I saw
the heavens
unfastened
and open.



*this is a photograph (source unknown) of Horsetail Falls in Yosemite where every February,
the sun hits just so it looks like it's full of fire.