you are the universe

You are the universe

expressing itself as a human for a little while

- eckhart tolle

1.

I feel a little lost right now

a familiar-exciting-nostalgic-kind of lost that happens at transitions

time is moving so slowly, yet everything is going by so fast

I want to hold tight to everyone around me

but feel a tension in those ties

as if tethered to something less than solid

and it's less comforting, more effort - to hold on 

2.

we started rock climbing regularly this month

completely different puzzles to work through than the rest of life

and my brain still can't work fast enough

to keep up with my quickly fatiguing forearms

but there are some moments when I feel perfectly balanced

or in a seemingly effortless flow

3.

I don't know if it's because I'm so deep in a transition

or just because it's fun, but lately  

it feels good to have my feet so high off the ground

~~~~~~

photo source

Tuesday Poetry: What more was Paradise?

This week's poetry selection comes from a book my dad gave me for Christmas this year. 

This year I asked my family to each give me a book that meant something to them.

My dad gave me this one:

it was given to him by my grandfather, from his mother

so it's my great-grandmother's poetry book!

A Mountain Pastoral

by Lucy Larcom

A couple at a cottage door,

Under the maple trees;

A mountain landscape stretched before,

behind, beside; and nothing more

the passing traveler sees.

And is there more?  The man and maid

Who caught your idle glance

Love's pretty hide-and-seek and played

Before they stood there in the shade,

Reading their own romance.

And he is young and true and strong;

And she is young and wise,

All hopes that to fresh hearts belong

Around their humble doorstone throng;

What more had Paradise?

Green are their waiting fields of toil,

With wildflowers blossoming sweet,

The living wealth no thief can spoil,

The boundless treasures of the soil,

Lie poured out at their feet.

Their neighbors?  Not far off are they,

Beyond the bright home hill - 

White Face, and Passaconaway,

And old Chocorua, rising gray,

Dreamy, remote, and still.

The future opens fair and wide

Within the young man's eyes;

The mountains bless the sweet girl-bride;

Life is a dream-land glorified.

What more was Paradise?

Monday Giggles: Jennifer Lawrence

Because she's an advocate for mental health (sorta), super funny, totally adorable, 

and probably my new girl crush - 

Jennifer Lawrence's oscars press conference, 

Happy Monday!

doors

right now I feel like my life is a big white page that sort of tips off the horizon so I can't follow it as it wraps around the world. And the truth is, we will probably like where the white paper leads us.  We have an incredible list of programs and have put so much soul-searching and pondering (not to mention plane flights, questions, observations, and sleepless nights) into figuring out what matters to us and how we will find it while training.

and an even greater truth is that we will ultimately be happy no matter what happens.  Because we'll figure it out.  (It's sort of amazing and scary in its own way to feel that its our plan, not just mine anymore).  We will both be physicians. We will both help people maintain and regain their health, teach people how to care for each other, and learn pretty much constantly - amazing career aspirations, if I do say so myself. 

but for now, we just wait.  staring mentally at the options as if they were doors leading us to different lives, waiting for one to open.

and even though there are lots of ways it will work out not just great but SUPER - those ways will be so different.  I think that's the part that makes it scary, or un-nerving may be a better word.  Right now holding all these options in the palms of our hands and then - whoosh. with one big breath all but one fall away.  it's wild that this will happen in just a few short weeks.  that people who have been little more than ideas will become our dearest friends and daily support.  that people who we have never met will be the reasons we get up in the morning.  that we will soon know the ins and outs of another apartment, running routes down different streets, order morning coffee from new spots, meeting up to touch base with different friends - is a completely wild feeling.

but there are more things in our control than we have considered.  The things we want are somewhat the things we can create through any of these doors.  > Being surrounded by inspiring and supportive people (it turns out, we chose a field that is full of these people). > Serving our health care missions (for me, providing evidence-based, holistic, and empathetic health care to women, especially in vulnerable times).  > Living consistent with our values (loving and supporting our friends and family, less impact on the environment but big impact on our communities). > Cultivating our relationship as one of steady grounding as well as adventure/growth.  

and so we wait, to see which door opens to us, and then all there is left to do is step through.

~~~~~

"Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting"

- Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

(amazing book)

i heart vermont

this one above was actually taken from our back-to-back hike the next day.  

we are hiking more lately to build up for an epic hike we are planning*

we decided to take off our yak tracks and RUN down the mountain

slipping, sliding, giggling

and surprising some un-suspecting snow-shoeing teenagers

*this epic hike may or may not involve us heading to the Himalayas for a month right after match 

well done, vermont. well done. 

those are mint chocolate covered malt balls you're seeing right there. yup, you heard correctly.

most. amazing. chocolate. ever.

Happy Valentines Day!

the manfriend surprised me with a snowy hike up to a wooden cabin with wine and chocolate 

followed by a delicious mac n' cheese dinner

what more could a girl ask for? :)

~~~~~~

"hello black bird/ hello starling 

winter's over/ be my darling!"

- Josh Ritter

Winter Playlist: Fragile

A mix for snowy hikes up mountains and sipping coffee while watching the snow fall.

Fragile

1- Janglin (Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros)
2 -Up, Up, Up (Givers)

3 - I Found You (Alabama Shakes)

4 - The Lengths/Howlin for You (The Black Keys)

5 - Minha Galera (Manu Chao)

6 -  Snow is Gone (Josh Ritter)

7 - Don't Let Me Down (Dr. Dog)

8 - Rise to the Sun (Alabama Shakes)

9 - Let It Be Me (Ray Lamontagne)

10 - Stay (Dave Matthews Band)

11 - Sparks Fly (Taylor Swift)

12 - I Will Wait (Mumford and Sons)

13 - A Thousand Years (Christina Perri)
14 - 100 days/100 nights (Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings)
15 - Bridge Over Troubled Water (Johnny Cash)
16 - Afro Blue (Erykah Badu)
17 - Snow Flake - (Katie Bush)
18 - Turn Me On - (Norah Jones)

citizenship

"As Americans, we all share the same proud title: we are citizens."

- Obama, State of the Union 2013

 

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to "be a good citizen".

Particularly when I get really busy, I think I tend to be less of a "good citizen", but it's something I believe very strongly in (thank you parents, grandparents, friends!) and always feel better when I'm more engaged in my citizenship.
 

What does being a good citizen mean to you?

 

I'm still brainstorming, but what it means to me is:

 

(1) be kind.
it's simple but the most important thing

to take care of each other
 

(2)  be curious.

learn about the issues that affect you,
from many (not just both) sides

(3) be the democracy.
do something about it.
write. lobby. discuss. vote.

 

 

Poetry Tuesday:

Bringing back the Poetry Tuesday!

 a good friend lent me one of her favorite poetry books, Wistawa Szymborska, Poems New and Collected.  I just opened it up to a random page today and found this gem for you:

In Praise of Feeling Bad About Yourself

The buzzard never says it is to blame
the panther wouldn't know what scruples mean.
When the piranha strikes, it feels no shame.
If snakes had hands, they'd claim their hands were clean.

A jackel doesn't understand remorse.
Lions and lice don't waver in their course.
Why should they, when they know they're right?

Though hearts of killer whales may weigh a ton,
in every other way they're light.

On this third planet of the sun
among the signs of bestiality
a clear conscience is Number One.

searching for a stable marriage

Over new years, a bunch of my closest friends came to visit.

And as we do, we caught each other up about the goings on of our lives.

I was telling one of my mathematician friends about interviewing for Residency.

As I took a deep breath before launching into what had become my "elevator talk" of how the Matching process works, she said to me, oh I know how that works.  It's a well-known mathematical theorem for which Gale won the Nobel Prize.  

But in math, it's called "The Stable Marriage Problem"

Curious.

She explained it simply and eloquently to me at the time, but I have since been shown the following video which breaks it down on a chalkboard (!!)

even to the point of explaining how matching as a couple is a little bit "off algorithm".

as someone whose life course will be forever changed by this algorithm, I figured I best at least try to understand it.  If you don't have the luxury of talking with brilliant friends who are mathematicians, check out the video below.  

(it's fascinating even if you are not interested in math or residency)

the central theorems she reviews in this video are:

0. this algorithm terminates (as in, stable marriages are possible for everyone!)

1. the marriages are stable (meaning, no one would rather have someone else who would also rather have them)

2. all men ("applicants") are simultaneously matched to their best mate

3. all women ("programs") are matched to their worst mate (but it's still a match, and that doesn't mean it's not also their first choice)

shake

Last night, my friend Krista and I finally went to a Jivamukti yoga class.  If you've never heard of this kind of yoga, you're not alone. The instructor at our class described it as the "wild child" of yoga - focused on using readings, meditation, chanting, and flow poses to help you let go of your tight grip on yourself.  Apparently there's a theme every month created by the couple who started Jivamukti yoga, and this months theme is SHAKE.  

as in, shake it off and shake it out.  

which actually is pretty much exactly what I need right now.

we chanted, we flowed, and oh man did we shake.  by the end of the class, my body was humming with gentle energy and my mind felt clearer than its felt in a long time.

which brings me to February - usually one of my least favorite months, this year it is the month I've been waiting for because my whole schedule in the hospital calms down, the manfriend and I make some plans - big and small, and my whole crew comes back into town for our last few months in medical school.  So plans for February include:

1. Jivamukti yoga - and letting my inner wild child out

2. Cooking new and delicious things (just cooked delicious Indian food over the weekend, recipe to come soon!) 

3. Rock Climbing (indoors for now, it's WINTER still, people)

4. Increasing my running mileage - goals for now are anywhere between 35-40 miles/week, we'll see how that goes.

5. Making Valentines because even though this month is usually the most gray, making Valentines for my friends and family (and the manfriend) has always been something I love doing.

6. Enjoying being home!

~~~~~~

How're you doing? I said & he said we're undefeated in our appreciation of the game. That's against incredible odds, he added.

- Story People