Life Moves Pretty Fast...

It's been a while since I've blogged but since then:

I spent some time with wonderful friends and family...

...hiked the Presidential Traverse in New Hampshire (a dramatic 23+ miles in one day)

....packed up our whole house to move to Washington, D.C.

(believe me, you do not want to see photos of this)

...graduated from medical school - now Dr. Erica! (and Dr. Chris)

...and I got engaged to my long-time love, Chris!!!!!!!!!!!

Poetry Tuesday: Poetry by Nikki Giovanni

from one of my mother's favorite poets:

Poetry

by Nikki Giovanni

Poetry is motion graceful 
as a fawn 
gentle as a teardrop 
strong like the eye 
finding peace in a crowded room 
we poets tend to think 
our words are golden 
though emotion speaks too 
loudly to be defined 
by silence 
sometimes after midnight or just before 
the dawn 
we sit typewriter in hand 
pulling loneliness around us 
forgetting our lovers or children 
who are sleeping 
ignoring the weary wariness 
of our own logic 
to compose a poem 
no one understands it 
it never says love me for poets are 
beyond love 
it never says accept me for poems seek not 
acceptance but controversy 
it only says i am and therefore 
i concede that you are too 
a poem is pure energy 
horizontally contained 
between the mind 
of the poet and the ear of the reader 
if it does not sing discard the ear 
for poetry is song 
if it does not delight discard 
the heart for poetry is joy 
if it does not inform then close 
off the brain for it is dead 
if it cannot heed the insistent message 
that life is precious 
which is all we poets 
wrapped in our loneliness 
are trying to say

photo: Kara Brodgesell photography

on feminism

while my college did have an incredible women studies program, I somehow thought that I was learning enough about feminism outside of the classroom to not sign up for any actual classes on feminist theory and feminist history.  to tell you the truth, I'm still a little reluctant to get too involved in feminist theory, but I wish I had taken a history of women class (which I'm sure was offered).

but you know what matt damon says: "you wasted $150,000 on an education that you probably could have got for $1.50 in late fees at the public library..."

so instead of going back to college to take that class, I am going to do some reading.

Here's a book by Gail Collins recommended by a dear friend whose life mission is wonderfully intersecting with mine (yay collette!) and a website about the Reconstructionists (this is maybe where feminist theory would be helpful...) with beautiful drawings by Lisa Congden.

/////

"god may be in the details, but the goddess is in the questions. once we begin to ask them, there's no turning back."
- gloria steinem

flashback Thursday: May

And the return of FLASHBACK THURSDAY commences!  This feels so critical to me - like re-reading through my old journals - like a conversation with my past selves, asking their advice on if I'm living my life right and true now.  But because it's a lot, I think I may just do one entry at the first Thursday of every month (trying to make more realistic expectations of blogging for residency!).  Same thing as before - to read the full entry, click on the date (e.g. "May 2012").

What could you learn from your past MAY selves?  

What were you doing last May?

in May 2012, I was on my night float acting internship delivering babies and not sleeping very much.  It was a critical time for me because it solidified my decision to be an ob-gyn; even though I was constantly more exhausted than I had ever been before, I loved it.  Some of the guidelines for night float I wrote down then:

1. first thing you do when you get home is shower.  I don't care how tired you are, [other people's] amniotic fluid should not be on your sheets.
2. bring lots of healthy snacks - especially water-heavy snacks (fruits, veggies, just plain old water)
3. when you wake up (or if you feel alert before heading to sleep): work out.  even if it's short, ugly, traumatic - there's not a day when it will feel good so if you start using that as your measure if you should go work out, it'll never happen.

~~~~
in May 2011, I was on my family medicine clerkship and telling lots of stories about my amazing interactions with my patients.  My tribe also came to visit me in northern maine and we took a trip out to Acadia!  During that time, I came up with a list of "things I learned in family med" including:

1. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have (even if sometimes what they have is a history of an alcoholic mother and bad coping mechanisms)

that one needs a pause for emphasis. okay, next:

2. Trust but verify. (Ronald Regan, about the Soviet Union)

3. Manage the unavoidable and avoid (or prevent) the unmanageable (-Friedman, about climate science)

4. Try not to work too much harder than your patients are working for themselves.

5. Results can be good or bad news, so deliver all results neutrally until you know how people feel

~~~~
in  May 2010, I was finishing up first year of medical school and trying to do a million things at once.  Also, the world cup was happening and I was maybe falling in love with the manfriend - slowly but surely!  (here's us at a US soccer game in CT where we drove through the night to get back for class the next day)




~~~~
in May 2009, I was preparing to move to Vermont and start medical school.  I only have one blog entry from that month and it is entitled "Loosening the Moorings on the Soul". For some reason this one feels the most fitting right now, perhaps because, four years later, I'm in yet another transition.  Here's an excerpt:

Question: How do we adjust our lives in a world that requires us to be in so many more places?

Answer inspired by a novel by Salman Rushdie, called the Enchantress of Florence:

"In a small wooden box concealed behind a sliding panel...[he] kept a collection of beloved 'objects of virtue', beautiful little pieces without which a man who traveled constantly might lose his bearings, for too much travel....too much strangeness and novelty, could loosen the moorings of the soul"
-Salman Rushdie, The Enchantress of Florence

~~~~
in May 2008, I was living in Boston, finally comfortable being single, still working at my very first job, and running along the Charles River pretty much daily.  Here's a passage from an entry reminding me to continue to interact with strangers:

So after I passed the Pretty Good-Looking Guy the second time, I'm smiling all happy-like. Ahead of me, walking the other direction listening to his old school Walkman is a slightly tattered Old Man. And because I'm feeling so happy, I smile briefly at the Old Man as I run by, thinking very little of it.

But a few strides later, I hear him yell back at me (yell in a kind, not aggressive, way) "thanks for the smile; that was very nice". I regret that I didn't turn, I just gave him a behind-my-head thumbs up and kept going the other way. 

Poetry Tuesday: Tell a story about why the sun comes back

In a return to poetry tuesdays, I bring you a gem from the Writers Almanac.

One Place to Begin

by John Daniel

You need a reason, any reason—skiing, a job in movies,
      the Golden Gate Bridge.
Take your reason and drive west, past the Rockies.
When you're bored with bare hills, dry flats, and distance,
      stop anywhere.
Forget where you thought you were going.

Rattle through the beer cans in the ditch.
If there's a fence, try your luck—they don't stop cows.
Follow the first hawk you see, and when the sagebrush
      trips you, take a good look before you get up.
The desert gets by without government.

Crush juniper berries, breathe the smell, smear your face.
When you wonder why you're here, yell as loud
      as you can and don't look behind.
Walk. Your feet are learning.

Admit you're afraid of the dark.
Soak the warmth from scabrock, cheek to lichen.
The wind isn't talking to you. Listen anyway.
Let the cries of coyotes light a fire in your heart.
Remember the terrible song of stars—you knew it once,
      before you were born.

Tell a story about why the sun comes back.
Sit still until the itches give up, lizards ignore you,
      a mule deer holds you in her eyes.
Explain yourself over and over. Forget it all
      when a scrub jay shrieks.
Imagine sun, sky, and wind the same, over your
      scattered white bones.

spring cleaning 2013!

Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.” 

― Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye

~~~~~~

yesterday at approximately 1:30 am we returned to our lovely home in Vermont!  While we did immediately drive down to Stowe to meet friends at the end of their long weekend bash in an incredible house down there, we have since had time to revel at home.  With only a few short weeks left in this place that's been my home for four years, with people who have been my home for four years, and with thoughts about designing my next home (stay tuned for more on that soon) I've been thinking about ways to REALLY immerse myself in feeling home - leading me to the question:

what makes you feel home?

(seriously, tell me!)
for me, it's FULLY unpacking and settling things back into their places - it's planning impromptu runs and walks with friends - it's lacing up my running shoes and just going, not having to plan out a route because this is my home - it's making my own coffee just how I like it, instead of hoping I can ask the barista at the closest coffee shop for just the right amount of soy milk without sounding obnoxious - it's curling up with the manfriend in our most comfortable bed and feeling like we are back in our places too.

unpacking and changing to a spring/summer closet!  yay dresses!!

morning coffee ritual at home

 all our shoes are ready for any kind of spring weather in our mud room

(note the bean boots, running shoes and birkenstocks - one can never be too prepared)

plans for the next few weeks in Vermont include:

* hiking the presidential traverse
* canoeing in lake champlain
* visiting the kitchen table restaurant (on our list for a long time along with all the farm animal restaurants including: the black sheep, hen of the wood, the belted cow, the prohibition pig, the bearded frog, the starry night cafe, the bluebird tavern, and of course, to keep them all in one place, the farmhouse) 
* walking/running in Shelbourne farms
*the burlington farmers market (now outside!)
*hike camel's hump for the last time in a while
* get creamies with buddies from Burlington Bay Cafe
*play paintball in our white coats
* boat cruise on lake champlain
* pack up our whole house!

the adventures of the travel bugs

"Wasn't that the definition of home? Not where you came from, but where you are wanted?"

- Cutting for Stone, Abraham Verghese

~~~~

since the last time i wrote, we have been in VT, Boston, Worcester, Saratoga Springs, D.C., northern California, and Lake Tahoe!  We have walked over battle grounds, cooked dinner for my grandparents, been under house arrest in my sister's tiny apartment for almost a full day, ran around several lakes, hiked up several mountains,   signed a lease for a new apartment (!!!), ran on the national mall, got to see so much of both of our tribes, wine tasted, and driven through the night to get to our next destination.  We have spent a total of 3 days at home since getting back from Nepal - most of them scrambling to finish up residency paperwork!

All this with just our little backpacks (i should probably write an ode to my backpack at some point) and each other.  It's made me feel really, really lucky to have such a great travel buddy, and that we have so many people we love that we want to spend time with - who we can finally spend time with!  

Here's a quick instagram recap of more recent travels.  more soon!

xoxo, the travel bugs