because I've been scouring the internet for good wedding resources, I thought I'd put these out there in case you too are planning a wedding that you want to be both meaningful, feminist-y, and not cost a gazillion dollars - oh, and really pretty. without further ado, my favorite wedding websites:

"when we try to pick out anything by itself, we find that it is hitched to everything else in the universe" - j.muir soul|medicine|women|health|citizen|tribe|home
April 25, 2014
April 23, 2014
Wednesday 3 things
1. A poem we are not using for our wedding (but I love), from the original stage version of the Sound of Music (not in the movie):
2. An article from a recent Atlantic about urban playgrounds designed to let kids take risks and create confidence, The Overprotected Kid
3. An Anthem for right now: Let it Go, from the movie Frozen
sung by an African children's choir and an 11 year old. Amazing.
also if you haven't seen the movie, go right now. seriously, I'm an intern and I've seen it.
Ordinary Couple:
An ordinary couple
Is all we'll ever be,
For all I want of living
Is to keep you close to me,
To laugh and weep together
While time goes on its flight,
To kiss you ev'ry morning
And to kiss you ev'ry night.
We'll meet our daily problems
And rest when day is done,
Our arms around each other
In the fading sun.
An ordinary couple,
Across the years we'll ride,
Our arms around each other
Our family by our side.
Is all we'll ever be,
For all I want of living
Is to keep you close to me,
To laugh and weep together
While time goes on its flight,
To kiss you ev'ry morning
And to kiss you ev'ry night.
We'll meet our daily problems
And rest when day is done,
Our arms around each other
In the fading sun.
An ordinary couple,
Across the years we'll ride,
Our arms around each other
Our family by our side.
2. An article from a recent Atlantic about urban playgrounds designed to let kids take risks and create confidence, The Overprotected Kid
3. An Anthem for right now: Let it Go, from the movie Frozen
sung by an African children's choir and an 11 year old. Amazing.
also if you haven't seen the movie, go right now. seriously, I'm an intern and I've seen it.
April 13, 2014
spring time // a first time
1. spring time
this is my first spring in DC and it is just STUNNING. never mind the fact that I've been on nights for 7 weeks straight and that my family has had a grief-ridden first quarter of the year; I LOVE SPRING IN DC. The heat and humidity of the summer hasn't yet set in but the cold has gone for good (I think!) and being outside feels great, the perfect remedy for my exhausted body and soul. I can't believe I'm just a few short months from finishing intern year.
PS: that is an elephant jump suit you see right there. spring present to myself and probably my favorite clothing item I own. I literally want to wear it ALL THE TIME.
2. a first time
sometime in the past few months I was called to the ED for a gyn consult for vaginal bleeding. This is probably the most common consult that the ED calls us for, so I didn't think much of it. But this patient experience reminded me why I became an ob-gyn. She was a 20-something year old woman who had just had her first experience with sex and had a vaginal laceration. We ended up packing the vagina - or creating a pressure dressing but in the vagina - and then we just had to wait to see if the bleeding stopped.
The waiting ended up being the best part, because she and I just talked. It was clear while I was taking my history that she really did not have a lot of information - and even less accurate information - about sex. So when I explained that normally when women have vaginal bleeding after their first intercourse, it's not this heavy because usually it's from tearing the hymenal ring - the ring of tissue that is at the opening of the vaginal introitus. however, many if not most women have already "broken" this ring through movement or tampons so many women do not bleed at all after their first intercourse. A laceration or deep cut in the vagina is never normal after intercourse. Then I asked her if she had other questions. She paused and then asked me about the different holes in a woman's bottom - she wanted to be sure he went in the "correct" one. So I drew her a picture (and gave it to her to keep) and labeled the urethra, the vaginal opening, and the anus. I asked if she had more questions. She did. We ended up talking for about 45 minutes - her asking questions, me answering them. They ranged from what were normal emotions after a first sexual encounter (anything, I answered, can be normal), to whether or not she should talk to the guy and tell him what happened after she left (communication is probably the most important component of healthy sex, I answered, if you don't think you can talk with someone, it's a pretty good indication that it's not a great idea to have sex with them) to anatomy including the location of this elusive g-spot (I drew more for her). Those 45 minutes were such a luxury in a time when my job emphasizes speed and efficiency, but I felt like even more than fixing her laceration, I was hopefully affecting her entire sexual life and hopefully for the better. Moments like this, of helping women understand themselves and their bodies better, especially in vulnerable and potentially scary times, remind me why I do what I do.
March 29, 2014
The Whole World to Dance
On this lovely Saturday morning, I woke up at 4am next to my best friend/the love of my life - who I haven't seen - awake or asleep - for more than 20 minutes at a time for the past month. It was mere minutes until he had to get up and head into the hospital, but for a moment, my world felt at peace, a way it hasn't felt for a little while now.
Now, of course, he's off at work, and I have a whole day to myself. Soon, I'll head out on a long run, tackle the journal that just arrived in the mail, do some laundry, and head out to meet friends, but for now - sitting here sipping my coffee with no feeling of rush is kind of the best.
For your Saturday morning to start off as nicely as mine, my current favorite song (and dance):
Now, of course, he's off at work, and I have a whole day to myself. Soon, I'll head out on a long run, tackle the journal that just arrived in the mail, do some laundry, and head out to meet friends, but for now - sitting here sipping my coffee with no feeling of rush is kind of the best.
For your Saturday morning to start off as nicely as mine, my current favorite song (and dance):
I want to see our bodies burning like the big old sun
I want to know what we've been learning and learning from
-edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros, man on fire
March 22, 2014
my favorite wedding readings
First, an excerpt from the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Decision that made the state the first to authorize gay marriage:
"...marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideas of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family...Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity...marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition"
Next, a poem from Maya Angelou:
Touched by an Angel
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
Finally, a poem from Neil Gaiman
This for you, for both of you,
a small poem of happiness
filled with small glories and little triumphs
a fragile, short cheerful song
filled with hope and all sorts of futures
filled with small glories and little triumphs
a fragile, short cheerful song
filled with hope and all sorts of futures
Because at weddings we imagine the future
Because it’s all about “what happened next?”
all the work and negotiation and building and talk
that makes even the tiniest happily ever after
something to be proud of for a wee forever
Because it’s all about “what happened next?”
all the work and negotiation and building and talk
that makes even the tiniest happily ever after
something to be proud of for a wee forever
This is a small thought for both of you
like a feather or a prayer,
a wish of trust and love and hope
and fine brave hearts and true.
like a feather or a prayer,
a wish of trust and love and hope
and fine brave hearts and true.
Like a tower, or a house made all of bones and dreams
and tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows
and tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows
Labels:
family,
happiness,
quotations,
quotes,
relationships,
soul,
weddings
February 4, 2014
Heavy
Heavy
by Mary Oliver
That time
I thought I could not
go any closer to grief
without dying.
I went closer,
and I did not die.
Surley God
had His hand in this,
as well as friends.
Still I was bent,
and my laughter,
as the poet said,
was nowhere to be found.
Then said my friend Daniel
(brave even among lions),
“It is not the weight you carry
but how you carry it—
books, bricks, grief—
it’s all in the way
you embrace it, balance it, carry it
When you cannot, and would not,
put it down.”
So I went practicing.
Have you noticed?
Have you heard
the laughter
that comes, now and again,
out of my startled mouth?
How I linger
to admire, admire
the things of this world
that are kind and maybe
also troubled—
roses in the wind,
The sea geese on the steep waves,
a love
to which there is no reply?
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