February 20, 2013


right now I feel like my life is a big white page that sort of tips off the horizon so I can't follow it as it wraps around the world. And the truth is, we will probably like where the white paper leads us.  We have an incredible list of programs and have put so much soul-searching and pondering (not to mention plane flights, questions, observations, and sleepless nights) into figuring out what matters to us and how we will find it while training.

and an even greater truth is that we will ultimately be happy no matter what happens.  Because we'll figure it out.  (It's sort of amazing and scary in its own way to feel that its our plan, not just mine anymore).  We will both be physicians. We will both help people maintain and regain their health, teach people how to care for each other, and learn pretty much constantly - amazing career aspirations, if I do say so myself. 

but for now, we just wait.  staring mentally at the options as if they were doors leading us to different lives, waiting for one to open.

and even though there are lots of ways it will work out not just great but SUPER - those ways will be so different.  I think that's the part that makes it scary, or un-nerving may be a better word.  Right now holding all these options in the palms of our hands and then - whoosh. with one big breath all but one fall away.  it's wild that this will happen in just a few short weeks.  that people who have been little more than ideas will become our dearest friends and daily support.  that people who we have never met will be the reasons we get up in the morning.  that we will soon know the ins and outs of another apartment, running routes down different streets, order morning coffee from new spots, meeting up to touch base with different friends - is a completely wild feeling.

but there are more things in our control than we have considered.  The things we want are somewhat the things we can create through any of these doors.  > Being surrounded by inspiring and supportive people (it turns out, we chose a field that is full of these people). > Serving our health care missions (for me, providing evidence-based, holistic, and empathetic health care to women, especially in vulnerable times).  > Living consistent with our values (loving and supporting our friends and family, less impact on the environment but big impact on our communities). > Cultivating our relationship as one of steady grounding as well as adventure/growth.  

and so we wait, to see which door opens to us, and then all there is left to do is step through.


"Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting"
- Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns
(amazing book)

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